The way my husband and I got married was similar to an arranged marriage but not quite. I was twenty-two years old and he was twenty. Many, many years ago we attended a church that did not believe in dating…which is something we’ll discuss later on because yes I know that’s crazy. But anyway I knew of my husband but I did not know him. His Uncle and Aunt attended the church that I went to and later on the hubs came to the church. He was a cool dude but we did not talk very much other than “HI” and “Bye”. Everyone thought it’ll be cute if we dated. Well, that didn’t happen.
He left the church for a while but later came back and joined. When he came back he had a girlfriend so that was a no for me dawg 😅. So let’s circle back to this to this whole “no dating” thing. At the time the church did not believe in dating because what was the purpose of it, there was too much temptation and all that extra stuff. It was some other rhetoric behind it but I can’t really remember too much now because that was so long ago. I now understand dating with a purpose and all that but not dating at all…Crazy. I thought it didn’t make sense at the time either but I went along with it. Plus I wasn’t really checking for anybody anyway. I was in school and just hanging out with my friends and family most of the time. I’ll admit I was a little mad about it because he was able to date and I felt like I wasn’t. Side note: Yes I was an adult and could do what I wanted. At that time I was very religious and impressionable and anything that the church believed in I believed in; that’s another post for later.
So time goes on and people at the church still thought it’ll be cute if we got together. But nothing happened between us he had a girlfriend. He would always leave directly after church to go out with her. But after a while instead of him rushing to leave after church like he used to he started hanging around more after church. I assumed that he and the girlfriend broke up. However, even with that assumption we still didn't date or even talk much nothing bad we just did not talk that much.
December of 2017 comes and I was at my cousin’s house (where I lived at the time) and I was told that he wanted to come over and talk to me about something. I’m thinking about what but okay. So he comes in the house so that we could talk and this dude says The Lord showed me you’re my bride so I’ve come to get my bride. Now to my super sanctified folks that that might sound romantic. But to some, that sounds absolutely crazy; especially since I said okay. I did not say yes I literally said “okay” so romantic right. So the engagement happened on December 2nd, 2007 and we got married on December 25th that same year just a mere twenty-three days later. Remember there was this no dating belief.
I later found out that right before he proposed to me he broke up with the girlfriend. I mean right before as in the same exact day. I was a little mad about that when he told me because I felt like he should have waited a little while before getting with someone new. By then wedding plans were already underway so we stayed the course. Both my husband and I can admit that we weren’t in love with each other when we got engaged or even married. We liked each other and had a really good connection that was building over the three weeks prior to us getting married but we felt that we should have dated first.
Oddly enough at twenty years old, I felt that he would be a good husband. Besides having manners and being respectful he also owned his home, had a car, and a good job. But what was most important to me at that time was that he loved the Lord. At twenty-two years old I didn’t have a long list of things that I wanted I just didn’t want a scrub s/o to TLC.
Honestly, I don’t think that we would have gotten married if we did date because I had no patience and if he would have done something to irritate me I would have dumped him. Obviously, our start was very unconventional and not something I wouldn't recommend. And over the years we have had our challenges trust me. Want to know more? See next post on why we stayed married.
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